The concept of happiness has different definitions for different people.
According to Psychology Today, most experts define a happy individual as “someone who experiences frequent positive emotions, such as joy, interest, and pride, and infrequent (though not absent) negative emotions, such as sadness, anxiety, and anger.”
So what causes us to be happy or unhappy? Can we develop happiness as a habit?
To understand that, we must first look at the contributing factors to both happiness and unhappiness, why it can be so difficult to sustain positive emotions that lead to happiness, and how to make choices that create a lasting state of positivity and joy.
What causes us to be unhappy?
There are many underlying causes for persistent unhappiness. For people who grew up in unhappy homes and families where negativity and conflict were the presiding themes, happiness may be unrecognizable because it has never been present.
Others may allow negative thought patterns to take root and stifle any hint of positive thinking. Guilt over bad habits and unhealthy life choices can also pile on to an overall sense of unhappiness and discontentment with life.
According to a recent survey, only 33% of adults in the United States claim to be happy, which means a staggering two-thirds of the population is still looking for happiness. Where do they look for it?
The search for happiness
We search for happiness in countless ways. Some believe that a bigger paycheck will finally push us past unhappiness and into contentment. Others find temporary happiness in buying things they don’t need, but find that the positive emotions are fleeting, and soon replaced by feelings of regret and stress about finances.
The search for happiness isn’t limited to the desire for money or possessions. Many unhappy people believe that a new (or improved) relationship will bring lasting happiness, while some shift the blame for their unhappiness to other people, hoping they will naturally feel better by avoiding negative feelings.
The common thread of nearly everyone seeking happiness is a constant compulsion to look for “the next good thing.” By never settling into and enjoying the present, these people feel that happiness is hiding around the bend, and just out of reach.
Why is happiness so elusive for some?
Happiness seems like an impossible dream for many. When we are tied to emotions that stifle positivity and contentment, we become pessimistic and unhappy.
To overcome the downward pull of negative emotion, we must first recognize what triggers our unhappy feelings. Maybe it’s a fear of change that keeps us firmly planted in a job or relationship that makes us unhappy. It could be a lack of self-esteem that whispers the lie that we don’t deserve to be happy.
Whatever the cause, we must acknowledge that life doesn’t wait for ideal conditions and then drop unlimited happiness in our laps. To find happiness, we must first know how and where to look.
Happiness isn’t a one-size-fits-all
Our perceptions of happiness are as unique as our fingerprints. Our personalities play a large role in our ability to feel happy or not. For example, researchers have found that extroverts tend to be happier than their introverted counterparts.
Why?
Because they are generally surrounded by people and stay active with social engagements and human interaction. Don’t despair, introverts– studies have also shown that non-extroverts can boost happiness by simply thinking about and emulating the behavior of extroverts.
Does this mean that a very contented introvert is just lying to themselves, believing they are happy when they aren’t? Of course not.
No matter your personality type, your happiness will be defined by your comfort level in who you are. We are born with certain personality traits part of our very core. While it’s healthy to push ourselves to try new things and reach outside of our comfort zones, happiness won’t come from trying to be someone we are not.
As we examine which elements of our personalities contribute to feelings of joy and satisfaction and those that do not, we need to remember that we’re all unique and the beginning of happiness depends on our ability to accept and nurture who we are.
Choosing to be happy
As you shed unhappiness and learn what fills your life with purpose and contentment, make a conscious effort to feed the thoughts and habits that support a more joyous life.
Note what makes you happy.
- Is it sharing in the joy of others?
- Supporting a meaningful cause?
- Spending time in nature?
Lasting happiness takes practice. No one will do the work of creating happiness for you while you sit by and wait. It’s the responsibility of each of us to discover and cultivate the pathways that lead us to lasting joy.
